Roles and Expectations in Marriage
Pretend for a moment that you are out to dinner with your fiancé. You are both crazy about each other and you have been talking about wedding plans. The candlelight is low, you kiss and exclaim that you cannot wait to spend your honeymoon in a tropical paradise. It might be unlikely that you are discussing who is going to clean the bathrooms at your home for the rest of your life. Or that your father always took out the trash and filled the gas tanks and your mother was the one who handed out discipline to you and your siblings, so that is what you are planning on for your future.
Our expectations for the roles our partners will play in the marriage relationship can come from viewing our parents while we are growing up. Dr. Les Parrott and Dr. Leslie Parrott, authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, state that as we unconsciously take in these roles, we can have unconscious expectations for our spouse. In a relationship where a husband witnessed his mother take on many of the household chores, he may expect his wife to do the same for their home. Unspoken expectations can lead to frustration and disappointment, which can cause conflict in the marriage relationship.
Naming the Assumptions
The SYMBIS Assessment gives space for a conversation about roles and expectations. Each individual in the relationship reflects on their own childhood and what parent performed what roles in the household. They are then asked to choose who will complete these tasks in their own marriage, or if they will both complete the task. This is especially helpful for those who grew up in a traditional home where the wife took on many household duties.
Conversations about this topic could include the benefit of each individual being involved with roles they felt were reserved for the opposite sex. This study found that wives had better mental health and experienced higher marital satisfaction when their husbands participated in housework. This is an important topic to discuss, and the SYMBIS Assessment helps keep the door open for further adjustments and conversations about expectations and roles.
Sources
Khawaja, M., Habib, R. R. (2007). Husbands’ involvement in housework and women’s psychosocial health: Findings from a population-based study in Lebanon. American Journal of Public Health, 97(5), 860-866. https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/full/10.2105/AJPH.2005.080374