Marriage Takes Work — And So Does Forgiveness
Marriage is one of the biggest commitments that we make as a couple, two people come together with the hopes of creating a family and living together happily forever. In marriage you learn many new things about yourself as you are learning about your spouse. You grow as a person and change as time goes by as well as you learn to be selfless and become one with your spouse.
Many people enter marriage not knowing how hard they will have to work to have a successful, happy marriage. For the most part many people don’t tell you about the trials in their marriage, we sometimes see happy couples and think that they have always been that way and they are unbreakable. It is important to know and learn that marriage takes work and forgiveness is a big part of that hard work that will make a happy home.
Forgiveness Is a Gift You Give Yourself
First, we need to realize that forgiveness is a gift that we give ourselves, we are not letting our spouse off the hook, but we are choosing to live our lives and move forward from hurt and pain. Forgiveness in a marriage is not weakness, and I think many individuals don’t allow themselves to see forgiveness as a means of strength, which is why there are so many divorces early on in a marriage.
Finding What Works for Your Marriage
There are many different techniques that you can use to forgive your spouse. It is important to find one that works best for you marriage as an individual. The hurt you have suffered may make a difference. Certainly, it is more difficult to forgive a spouse for years of infidelity than it is for a minor mistake such as forgetting to pay a bill on time.
When to Ask for Help
Making a conscious decision that you are going to forgive is one of the first steps because then you are open to moving forward with many factors for example not knowing why or being patient with yourself because it will take time as you process all the hurt that has happened (Kristina COOP Gordon (2003) Forgiveness and Marriage). When we dwell on the situation it can cause us to always think about the pain and at that point you need to be brave enough to know and make the decision that you may need help from a counselor, even if it is just someone to talk to and get an outside opinion.