A couple of weeks ago, we explored the SYMBIS assessment, which stands for Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, a tool created by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. Designed for both premarital and married couples, SYMBIS offers research-based insights that help partners strengthen their emotional connection and prepare for a lasting, healthy marriage. We discussed how this tool can prevent misunderstanding, reduce conflict, and even help prevent divorce by opening the door to deeper, more intentional conversation. This week, we’re diving into the next three of SYMBIS’s most insightful areas: love style, communication, and conflict resolution. These three dimensions shape the emotional climate of every relationship and often determine how deeply connected, understood, and secure we feel with our spouse.
Love Style
At the center of every relationship lies the question: how do I give and receive love? Our love style is influenced by our upbringing, attachment history, and personality. SYMBIS helps uncover these patterns by identifying how we naturally express affection and what we expect in return. Some common love styles include secure (or open), responsive (comfortable with closeness), anxious (craving reassurance and fearing rejection), avoidant (valuing independence and often withdrawing under stress), and pleaser or giver (feeling loved through service or affirmation).
Through my own experience, I realized that I tend to show love through acts of service, while my partner feels most loved through quality time. Without this awareness, it’s easy to miss each other emotionally, effortlessly interpreting independence as disinterest or reassurance as neediness. Recognizing and honoring each other’s love style helps couples learn to express affection in ways their partner can fully receive, which ultimately strengthens the emotional bond.
Communication
Communication is another critical pillar of a healthy relationship. As Dr. Les Parrott famously says, “Communication is to a relationship what oxygen is to the body — without it, it dies.” SYMBIS assesses how partners express themselves, listen, and process emotions. The assessment outlines four main styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.
Through my results, I discovered that I tend to inject humor into disagreements and prefer conversation over confrontation, while my husband values a gentle approach and needs time — a lot of time, I might add — to process before responding. This awareness has helped us build additional emotional safety and broaden our space for honesty, empathy, and mutual understanding.
Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution, the final area we’ll explore today, reminds us that conflict isn’t the enemy — disconnection is. SYMBIS identifies four primary conflict styles: avoiders, exploders, yielders, and resolvers. I learned that my husband often appears to be an avoider, not because he doesn’t care, but because he needs time to gather his thoughts and articulate them clearly. I, on the other hand, am a resolver who seeks quick understanding and closure. Healthy conflict means balancing honesty and love; it’s where trust deepens and empathy grows.
Ultimately, SYMBIS reminds us that healthy marriages aren’t built on perfection — they’re built on awareness. Love style reveals how we connect, communication shows how we express and understand, and conflict resolution teaches how we grow through challenges. For any couple, taking the SYMBIS assessment with a certified facilitator can open new doors of understanding and connection. You may be surprised by what you discover about yourself, and each other.
Stay tuned for our next discussion, where we’ll dive deeper into money, sexual expectations, and spirituality — three more vital areas that shape a thriving marriage.
References
- Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) Assessment