Children and Marriage Satisfaction
If you are becoming a parent for the first time, you have likely received a lot of advice—maybe even some unsolicited advice! Although there is wisdom from those who have parented and a seemingly unending supply of literature on the topic of being a parent, nothing can truly prepare you for how you will feel after you become a parent. This statement may sound extreme, but I speak from experience. Having a child impacts every aspect of your life, including your marriage.
I had my first child when I was 30 years old. I convinced myself that since I was older than most of my friends when I became pregnant, I was somehow wiser. I thought that since we had planned on having a baby and had family living close by, we would quickly adapt and life would continue mostly as it always had, except we would have a child to love and take care of. We had a beautiful baby girl, but I suffered from postpartum anxiety. My husband also received a great job opportunity, and when our daughter was four months old, we moved away from our family. There are many other events that I could not have predicted, and while I have felt stretched and challenged by all the changes, I would not alter any of the past. We have two children now and cannot imagine our lives without them.
When Reality Doesn’t Match the Picture
If the picture you had in your mind doesn’t quite match up with the reality of becoming a parent, you may notice your relationships changing. One relationship in particular—the one with your spouse—may require specific attention that was not needed in life before children. This study found that the more children a couple has, the more their marital satisfaction declines. The same study also found that married mothers are significantly less happy than married wives with no children. This emphasizes the importance of a solid foundation before children.
One of the areas that can help build this foundation is eliminating marriage myths. In Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Dr. Les Parrott and Dr. Leslie Parrott discuss four marriage myths that can create issues in even the newest marriage relationships:
- Assuming that you both expect the same things from your marriage.
- The good things in your relationship will just get better.
- The bad things in life will end when we are married.
- Being married will make me whole.
If you are wondering how to begin addressing these myths in your marriage so you can build a strong base before you have children, consider looking into the SYMBIS Assessment. This assessment even benefits those who currently have children and want to develop more open communication about different aspects of their relationship. The assessment only takes 30 minutes, and a SYMBIS facilitator can help you interpret your results and encourage dialogue about any assumptions or myths you may have. Put in the work to create a strong marriage relationship that will benefit your children and future generations!
Sources
Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2003). Parenthood and marital satisfaction: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(3), 574-583. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00574
Parrott, L., & Parrott, L. (2013). Saving your marriage before it starts: Seven questions to ask before—and after—you marry. Zondervan.